Purity Balls: Disempowering Young Women with Help from their Dads

http://womensrights.change.org/blog/view/purity_balls_disempowering_young_women_with_help_from_their_dads

"Purity Balls -- formal parties where adolescent daughters pledge to their fathers to remain virgins until marriage -- have been gaining popularity in the United States, with an estimated 4,000 such events held in recent years. At these balls, there's a formal ceremony, vows are given, and often rings are exchanged. Fathers then agree to keep their daughter's virginity nice and safe and locked up until she gets married, at which points he presents it to her new husband.

Notice, if you will, that these daughters never control their own virginity, their own sexuality. Apparently, that is too big a burden for their delicate, vulnerable female selves. Best to let ownership pass from man to man and never trouble her pretty little head (or vagina) over it. Yeah, right.

Why are we teaching our young girls that they aren't in sole possession of their sexuality and sexual choices? Chastity is a valid choice, but it is a choice that each woman needs to own for herself. Why does virginity have to equal dependence on men? I can't even begin to imagine asking my father to own my sexual choices for me at some creepy faux-wedding ceremony.

Furthermore, the families of these girls seem determined to shelter them from the world, believing abstinence-only education and a lack of exposure to the world will turn them into perfect little princesses on a pedestal. I have to ask, why is ignorance such a vital part of their life plan for these girls? Why do these people think education is so dangerous? In my life, I've often thought to myself "If only I had known better." But "If only I'd known less" has never crossed my mind.

I hate to break to those fathers at the Purity Balls, but according to by the nonpartisan National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, abstinence-only efforts appear to have little positive impact, while more comprehensive sex education programs lead to teenagers "delaying the initiation of sex, reducing the frequency of sex, reducing the number of sexual partners and increasing condom or contraceptive use." Oh, and virginity pledges don't work, either.

Gee, who would have thought? Education doesn't cause promiscuity! Ignorance doesn't lead to bliss! Wow!

I hope some day someone tells these girls that being a virgin is a great choice, but one that they should make for themselves, one that they need to take personal responsibility for. I hope someone tells them that their sexuality belongs to them and no man, married or not. I hope those fathers spend less time sheltering their daughters and more time empowering them. I hope all those girls get the chance to make a guilt-free, informed decision about their sexuality.

PHOTO CREDIT: zoetnet"

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Roxann MtJoy is a freelance writer and case manager at a domestic violence shelter. She is producing and directing a documentary on women's colleges in the United States.

A male commentor summed up all my opinions on marriage:

The problem that arises from "symbolic" events and things is that, by repeating them, we are normalizing behavior and actions that perpetuate oppression. Sure, consciously you did not belong to your parents, and you didn't see it that way, but in the grand scheme of things we all participate in normalizing activities that in the end numb our willingness to stand up to oppression. Does that make sense?

I brought up this same argument to my family, because somehow we were talking about marriage, and I told everyone I was never going to get married by the church because it was a ceremony that objectified women. My sisters got extremely upset, and would say things like: "so you're saying I'm an object because I want a traditional wedding?". Absolutely not. They know they're not objects, I know they're not objects, yet they would still submit to a "tradition" that, through language and action, symbolizes objectification."